Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A Prickly Reminder

I let go of my past a long time ago. I entered my Thirties determined to eek out a new life, new friends and new memories. But, sometimes going back seems like a fun idea...or so I thought.

I was invited by some old friends from my early twenties to get together. So, I thought it would be fun...pack up the kids and go. Why not? There is a lovely Inn there with private hot spring tubs and a good breakfast in the morning. I thought it would be fun to catch up with friends I hadn't talked to or seen in 8 years. As fate would have it, I didn't get up to Lava until 10:00P...Seth had a his first soccer game of the Season and it ended up being delayed by 3 hours...so we were late. When we got up there all of the adults were drunk. So, my children watched a bunch of drunks, listened to their filthy language and vulgar conversations...it was like I had just stepped into the past. These people hadn't changed since I was in my early twenties. I was uncomfortable to say the least having my children there but I tried to keep an open mind and not get upset. And really in the end we had fun for the most part.

But, after the "reunion"...I thought is this how I was so long ago? Was I so thoughtless in my partying days that I didn't even take into account the effect that if may have had on my children? Did I really think at that time that I could preach one thing and expect them to not follow my poor example? I really must have been too self-absorbed to notice or I didn't care...some of this was before Seth but a lot of this same behavior was in front of my Daughter.

I can't beat myself up over this. I can't change any of it. I can't even imagine living that lifestyle anymore. I don't remember what happened that I decided to change my life anymore except that I continue to move forward and make my life better. Sometimes going back is fun but in this case, it was a prickly reminder of why I left my past in the past.


the goddess unknown said...

I kind of think that that behavior is something that we all need to do and get out of our systems while we are still in our early twenties. Those people who are still doing it, obviously didn't get it out of their systems when they could have and are thus very unattractive. It was atleast a good reminder of where you've been/came from. I know I've done things I would tell my students not to do, but I also teach them to form opinions based on expierences. I'm sure your children now know that they don't want that lifestyle.

MagicalSis said...

the older we get the less we get away with. the road narrows.
growth is different for everyone.
thankyou for this post, it made me think about how i have changed.

Angela said...

Thanks for your commets MagicalSis and Goddess Unknown...

I re-read my post and I hope that I don't come off like I was talking down about these people...it really was a reflection of what I didn't like about MYSELF so long ago...And I didn't like having to admit to my kids that I was like that...I could just see them looking at me like..uh-huh, you were a PARTY-ER! And that is what I had a hard time with!!

the goddess unknown said...

I never thought you were looking down at anyone. As you kids grow they'll accept that their mother has grown as well. They probably appreicate right now that you aren't like that anymore.