Friday, October 20, 2006

Friday Fall out

My Daughter was living with her Dad. Her choice. Her life. I didn't really want her to go there but felt that I needed to "listen" to her and give in...rather than demand that she do what I wanted. I will say this...I wasn't happy about it and I didn't like it but I let her make the choice. Well, she pretty much got kicked out of her Dad's house. She has come back to live with me. I should say that I have mixed feelings about it. I got use to not having so much anxiety and stress. I had it pretty easy since Seth is pretty easy (although, he has reach that could change!) I think that she is really in worse shape than when she left. I think that she hid a lot and protected her Father and vice versa. I do not know how to handle this situation. It is very difficult. She is almost 17 years old and has pretty much flunked the last year of school. She knows everything she doesn't want: school, responsibility, honesty or intergity. I think that she is hell bent on destroying herself and she wants to blame it one me. You ask her what she wants and she can't tell you. I am frighten, stressed and feel completely uncapable of handling this. I have done the whole counseling and medication thing with her which cost an arm and a leg which I was fine with but it didn't work in my opinion after a year and half. And now, I think...what will happen to her? When is she going to figure out life...maybe it will be a long road for just hate to watch them go through so much unhappiness and pain...because I KNOW how hard it is and you just don't want to see your kids go through pain. And I know the saying..they have to learn for themselves BUT that doesn't make it any easier to watch someone you love destroy themselves. I just can't reconcile myself to it. This last year, lost my Dad, lost my Love and now I feel like I am watching my Daughter lose herself.


the goddess unknown said...

I MISSED YOU! I'm sorry to hear that your life is being put through the wringer. I have no idea how to "fix" this. I recommend counciling for you. If income is tight, it's avaliable on a sliding scale basis through your county hospital. For her, I would say, maybe she'd do better taking the High School Equivalent Exam? We all know how much she needs to graduate high school. This might be a better alternative then having her waist her time in classes she's not putting any effort into. You could also help her by going to her school psychologist.

You are a good mother. You are stumbling through life doing the best you can like the rest of use.

17 is much more immature then it use to be. Not really seeing the situtation, I had 2 thoughts. Really take control back. Really be the the meanest mom that she seems to think you are. OR People often reflect exactly they think you give them. Not that you should give into her one bit, but kill her with kindness. Sometimes with my troubled students this works. Accentuate and make a HUGE deal out of all the good things she does. As miniscule as they may seem. Try to turn negative things in a positive way.

That's what I came up with. Your family will get through this. I'm sure that you've done a good job in raising her, and she'll live up to all her potential.

I'm sending your family my prayers.

Angela said...

Goddess Unknown,

Thank you for your kindness and suggestions. You are a doll!


magical said...

Try Al-Anon for YOU!