Friday, October 20, 2006
Friday Fall out
My Daughter was living with her Dad. Her choice. Her life. I didn't really want her to go there but felt that I needed to "listen" to her and give in...rather than demand that she do what I wanted. I will say this...I wasn't happy about it and I didn't like it but I let her make the choice. Well, she pretty much got kicked out of her Dad's house. She has come back to live with me. I should say that I have mixed feelings about it. I got use to not having so much anxiety and stress. I had it pretty easy since Seth is pretty easy (although, he has reach puberty...so that could change!) I think that she is really in worse shape than when she left. I think that she hid a lot and protected her Father and vice versa. I do not know how to handle this situation. It is very difficult. She is almost 17 years old and has pretty much flunked the last year of school. She knows everything she doesn't want: school, responsibility, honesty or intergity. I think that she is hell bent on destroying herself and she wants to blame it one me. You ask her what she wants and she can't tell you. I am frighten, stressed and feel completely uncapable of handling this. I have done the whole counseling and medication thing with her which cost an arm and a leg which I was fine with but it didn't work in my opinion after a year and half. And now, I think...what will happen to her? When is she going to figure out life...maybe it will be a long road for her...you just hate to watch them go through so much unhappiness and pain...because I KNOW how hard it is and you just don't want to see your kids go through pain. And I know the saying..they have to learn for themselves BUT that doesn't make it any easier to watch someone you love destroy themselves. I just can't reconcile myself to it. This last year, lost my Dad, lost my Love and now I feel like I am watching my Daughter lose herself.