Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Today, I am bummed out. I can't get out of the dreariness that fills me. I don't feel good anymore. I try but I fail. I pick myself up and make another attempt at doing better only to fall off the wagon of positive living. I hate it. I just don't feel in control of my life anymore. My children scoff at me and won't listen to my words of encouragement, wisdom or just plain...doing what I ask of them. It defies my nature to let me fail...but kind of serious example am I?

I have this unfulfilled desire to be someone better than I am and I am downtrodden and full of bitterness with a sprinkle of shame that I can't get over the hump. It is like being on a treadmill...you keep going but really go nowhere. I just don't know what to do...

1 comment:

goddess said...

it sounds like you are depressed and probably need some help to get you over the hump. have you talked to a counciler?

I also think it sounds like you need to find something that is just for you again. join the pink ladies society or the red hat society. volunteer at a place you like to be. (for me it's the art museum) find something that is all just for you. give yourself that one thing to look forward to.

you can do it. you are a strong person. you have lots to say and still so much you can do to help people. i have faith in you and I'm proud of the things you have accomplished.